TIẾU LÂM - 幽默 (#27)

Phan Chánh Thơ Tiên Sinh Phụ Trách & Sưu Tầm










Research by Annie Lam  潘翠膺



Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. It was nominated best email of 1997. This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and room service at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:


> > Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees."

> > Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

> > RS: "Rye. Ruin sorbees. Morny! Jewish to odor sunteen??"

> > G: "Uh, yes, I'd like some bacon and eggs."

> > RS: "Ow July den?"

> > G: "What??"

> > RS: "Ow July den - fry, boy, pooch?"

> > G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please."

> > RS: "Ow July dee baychem - crease?"

> > G: "Crisp will be fine"

> > RS: "Hokay. An San toes?"

> > G: "What?"

> > RS: "San toes. July San toes?"

> > G: "I don't think so"

> > RS: "No? Judo one toes??"

> > G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes'

> means."

> > RS: "Toes! Toes! Why jew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we

> bother?"

> > G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine.

> Yes, an  English muffin will be fine."

> > RS: "We bother?"

> > G: "No, just put the bother on the side."

> > RS: "Wad?"

> > G: "I mean butter - just put it on the side."

> > RS: "Copy?"

> > G: "Sorry?"

> > RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"

> > G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

> > RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,

> tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"

> > G: "Whatever you say."

> > RS: "Tendjewberrymud"

> > G: "You're welcome"











Hello, hello!!!


Wang: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wang ?


Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.


Wang: No, I want to speak to Annie Wang!


Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?


Wang: I'm Sum Wang.  And I need to talk to Annie Wang! It's urgent.


Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?


Wang: Well just tell my sister Annie Wang that our brother, Noe Wang was involved in an accident.  Noe Wang got injured and now Noe Wang is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wang is on his way to the hospital.


Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!


Wang: You are so rude! Who are you?


Operator: I'm Saw Lee.


Wang: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!














We take you now to the Oval Office…


President George W.  Bush:  Condi!  Nice to see you.  What's happening?

National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice:  Sir, I have the report here
about the new leader of China .

Bush:  Great.  Lay it on me.
Rice:  Hu is the new leader of China .
Bush:  That's what I want to know.
Rice:  That's what I'm telling you.
Bush:  That's what I'm asking you.  Who is the new leader of China ?
Rice:  Yes.
Bush:  I mean the fellow's name.
Rice:  Hu.
Bush:  The guy in China .
Rice:  Hu.
Bush:  The new leader of China .
Rice:  Hu.
Bush:  The Chinaman!
Rice:  Hu is leading China .
Bush:  Now whaddya asking me for?
Rice:  I'm telling you Hu is leading China .
Bush:  Well, I'm asking you.  Who is leading China ?
Rice:  That's the mans name.
Bush:  That's who's name?
Rice:  Yes.
Bush:  Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China ?
Rice:  Yes, sir.
Bush:  Yassir?  Yassir Arafat is in China ?  I thought he was in the Middle
Rice:  That's correct.
Bush:  Then who is in China ?
Rice:  Yes, sir.
Bush:  Yassir is in China ?
Rice:  No, sir.
Bush:  Then who is?
Rice:  Yes, sir.
Bush:  Yassir?
Rice:  No, sir.
Bush:  Look, Rice.  I need to know the name of the new leader of China .
                Get me the Secretary General of the U.N.  on the phone.
Rice:  Kofi?
Bush:  No, thanks.
Rice:  You want Kofi?
Bush:  No.
Rice:  You don't want Kofi.
Bush:  No.  But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
                And then get me the U.N.
Rice:  Yes, sir.
Bush:  Not Yassir!  The guy at the U.N.
Rice:  Kofi?
Bush:  Milk!  Will you please make the call?
Rice:  And call who?
Bush:  Who is the guy at the U.N?
Rice:  Hu is the guy in China .
Bush:  Will you stay out of China ?!
Rice:  Yes, sir.
Bush:  And stay out of the Middle East !  Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Rice:  Kofi.
Bush:  All right!  With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
Rice (picks up the phone):  Rice, here.
Bush:  Rice?  Good idea.  And a couple of egg rolls, too.  Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China .  And the Middle East.  Can you Chinese food in the Middle East ?